Love Is Not A Substance

One of the deepest and most informal homan fears is the fear of not existence loved. Our language encourages us to conceive of love as a substance, something that can be granted, something that can be received, something that can be taken away. We ideate that love is suchlike a pie that can be cut into slices and devoured up. some slices may be larger and juicier than others and these comprise much love. The bigger your restore, the lower there is for me. This truthless image of love as a pie is masterfully arranged to rest in a small story by Amy Bloom in which a end mother explains to her daughter that she shows up differently with apiece person she loves and that there’s much of love for every person.In real, love is not an thing. We can feel it, but we can not tuching it. We can not see it, but we can mention its effects. Like Oxygen, the proximity of love is living enhancing, and has a mensurable fight upon the body. Unlike Oxygen, love is not an inodorous and inelegant gas that can be metabolized and utilized up. Love is not diminished by its disbursal, but same well-invested book, the statesman we use it, the statesman it grows. If we understand that love is a frequency, a ambience, a state of cognisance, which can be summoned at will and is totally inexhaustible, our fears of losing love would lose their force over us.

This pitiful of love is equivalent a redio station, medium 24 hours a day. You can always music in to the love channal. Equal a receiver programme, love is open to an unqualified number of listeners. All that's required is that you get its sign on the dial of your built-in headphone.

Sounds caudate, doesn't it? And it is, unless your dial is mislabeled or your antenna has been retracted. If you havee grown up confusing love with connection, dependency, intersexual attractiveness, romantic illusion, lustfulness, infatuation, or obligation you may be tuning to the rong station. You keep hoping for some real upbeat, feel secure music and instead you're effort an all news station. If on the other hand, you harbour't scholarly the arts of trust and surrender, you may have difficulty getting a clear signal. One minit it's superficial enthusiastic and the next all you have is static.

One of my clients, a woman in her decennary with 5 grown children, mistakenly believed that "if you love someone, you're questionable to take care of them." After mothering 5 children, it seemed natural to Sally to deal maintenance of her new boyfriend, Jeff, in the like way she'd purloined attention of her small ones. For individual year she offered financial and emotional support, roasted for him, shopped for him, and supposed null in return except his "love." Jeff was by naturea very emotionally expressive and communicative man. He complimented Sally ofttimes and bought her presents. He shared his feelings and was ever available to focus when she'd had a unpadded day. Similar her children, Jeff came to rely upon Sally to satisfy his basic needs. For the 1^st moment in her lifes, Sally matte love by a man. And she craved this so overmuch she unnoticed the unscripted fall she knew existed between them.

When the Jeff became subordinate on her hold and she became bespoken to his visitant, Sally like it love. Jeff began to feel beholden and acrimonious. When he left her for a woman who didn't care cross and " made him feel like a man " she was disposition impoverished. " I was under his spell for a long time," she lamented. But we could also say that rather than existence his victim, she was an Tally participant in the cultural trance that mystifies attachment and dependency by calling them love. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a baby who is old sufficiency to centering their look and young enough to be acquitted of change, view, and impute? This is the ambience of love. Clear, crude, uncolored, no section loving love. There are no line to be exchanged, nothing required new than the willingness to be there and feel what's present. At any minute a sharp change, sound, or bright light may confuse the human's aid inaccurate from you, but it doesn't matter. Once you've tuned to this frequency you can bed it with you.

Most people trust that love is nearly getting your needs met or notion gratifying, valued, and tight. There is nothing wrong with wanting these things and nothing base with getting them; most humans deprivation this really such. The 1^st  fault we neaten is in cerebration around love in status of what we leave acquire rather than what we instrument communicate. This nonachievement is compounded when we imagine that giving and receiving, wonderful as they are, are a essence calledlove.